The Courage To Open Our Eyes In The Dark

Fear Dictates Direction

Free will is an interesting idea—one that I don't believe exists in the way we'd like to think it does. One of the main reasons I feel that way is because the will of an individual is always subject to forces outside of the individual's control. I'd estimate that the force that places the greatest limitation on the will of a being is fear, and since the vast majority of human beings have some sort of fear, few people can truthfully claim to have a totally free will.

Take the ducks in the gif above, for instance. Due to their natural instinct to avoid danger, and due to the dog behind them being a predator who could end their lives at any moment, the ducks cannot help but have their movements dictated by the dog. If the dog were not behind them, they'd be free to wander wherever they liked on the property, but since they're aware of the dog's presence, their actions are limited to what the dog allows them to do.

Human beings are no different, and there's honestly no better time to support this idea than election season, because one of the most effective tools for politicians to manipulate votes in their favor is by instilling fear of what life will look like if the opposition wins. If will were as free as we'd like to believe, there'd be no need for separate parties, or for spending hundreds of millions of dollars campaigning, or for making enemies out of fellow countrymen just because they believe in different ideas than you do. But because will can be manipulated, especially through fear and desire, advertisement (a.k.a. the business of manipulating will) is one of the biggest and most influential industries in the history of humanity.

The absolute best way to make ourselves less susceptible to having our will manipulated is by increasing our awareness of the nefarious forces that seek to control us through fear. In the case of advertising, this might mean understanding that no for-profit company on Earth wants to help you out of the kindness of its heart. The primary objective of any successful business is to make money, so knowing that, we should approach our relationships with companies with caution, understanding that ultimately, what matters most to the company is our dollar, not our well-being. What a company is willing to do to gain a dollar from us will almost always include misdirection, manipulation, or playing on our fears and desires.

In other words, by opening our eyes to the darkness of governments, companies, communities, individuals, and other entities, we empower ourselves to not be so easily controlled by their tactics to manipulate us through fear. And by regularly and intentionally facing our fears, we'll find that not only does our will expand, but so does our capacity for enduring and enjoying life itself.

Laugh Now, Cry Later

Whether life is a comedy or a tragedy is an age-old question, with strong support for both options. But in my opinion, life is obviously a dark comedy—that is, a tragedy filled with humor. Of all the divine qualities, I think humor might be the most divine, and laughter is the strongest medicine for not conceding to the physical, mental, and emotional illnesses that plague us in day-to-day life. I don't know about you, but when someone dies in the family, my favorite person to be around during the grieving period is whoever is the funniest. Whoever has the courage to crack the first joke about the deceased. Whoever has the talent to bring in much-needed comic relief to a tragic situation. Comedy is relieving because there's a lightness to it that innately counteracts the darkness. And in my experience, laughing lightens the impact of both fear and pain.

I've read about and seen videos that illustrate how, when a toddler falls, the parent’s reaction has a large impact on how the child reacts. If the parent gasps, puts a concerned look on their face, yells something like "Oh no!" and rushes to the child's side, the child will likely mirror the parent's distress by crying, even if the fall didn't cause much pain or damage. But if, when the child falls, the parent smiles, laughs, and says something with a playful tone like "Oopsie!" there's a good chance the child will laugh too, stand back up, and continue with what they were doing.

I've observed similar behavior within myself as a grown adult practicing handstands. Falling is an unavoidable aspect of handstand practice, especially in the beginning, and the fear of falling is the number one thing that keeps many people who want to develop a handstand from trying and developing the skill. The thing is, falling from a handstand is exponentially safer than falling from standing on your feet because, in a handstand, your head is closer to the ground, meaning the odds of a critical injury are much lower than if you fell from standing. This exposes the psychology of fear and shows that fear, more often than not, is illogical. Which is precisely why opening our eyes in the darkness that fear projects is one of the best ways to dispel fear—because in looking at it, we see that it's often based on fuzzy logic instead of concrete facts.

Every time I fall out of a handstand, I laugh at myself, and bringing that comic relief to an intimidating experience has pretty much eradicated the fear I had surrounding falling. In reality, my fear of falling was more of a fear of failing, exacerbated by society—much like the parent in the example above—reacting negatively when someone fails to achieve what they set out to do. Because none of us really want to be judged negatively by society, the fear of being judged if we fail keeps so many of us from even attempting to do things we know we'd love to do. But the thing is, nothing worth having can be achieved without failing over and over again. So, failure has to become a part of the process to success, which means we have to develop a level of, not just comfort, but camaraderie with failure. By laughing at my many failed attempts in my handstand practice, failure became more like a funny friend than a life-threatening enemy, which is why it no longer holds me back.

A Ghost You Accept & Acknowledge Cannot Haunt You

As shallow as it may sound, one of my biggest fears for most of my life was being seen as unattractive. This came as a result of basing most of my self-worth on my appearance. Which is why, in the months leading up to finally shaving my head, I suffered from what I like to call 'pre-baldness anxiety,' where each day, upon looking in the mirror and seeing my hair getting thinner and thinner, I'd have a mini panic attack and sink deeper into depression. Men are typically seen as the less beauty-conscious of the sexes, which is why I think it's so hard for women to fathom just how scary it can be for men to lose their hair. But the reality is, how we look is a huge part of our identity, so when our appearance starts to change, especially in a way that's out of our control, it can feel like a death, and it is terrifying in a similar way that death is terrifying.

But what I discovered after finally gaining the courage to shave my head was that the bulk of my anxiety wasn't based on the unsubstantiated fear that I might no longer be attractive with a shaved head, but instead was due to me doing everything in my power to deny that I was actually balding. I was being haunted by 'pre-baldness anxiety' only because I was running from my fate of being a bald man, and since I was running, the ghost of hairline's past chased after me. But once I turned around and embraced the ghost, it had no choice but to stop chasing me. When I finally shaved my head, I definitely felt 100% less attractive, but I also somehow felt 100% less anxious. I felt 100% more confident, 100% more powerful, and, most importantly, 100% more free. Freedom rarely comes without some sort of sacrifice, and in order to receive it, we have to be willing to give up what keeps us from it, no matter how attached to that thing we may be.

I've done a lot of courageous things in my life, but one of the bravest things I've ever done is post a picture of my face at what I consider to be my most unattractive—that is, with an exposed bald head and no facial hair. I feel like a shaven head and shaven face is a look that very few men on Earth have the genetics to pull off, and I'm definitely not one of those men. But I felt compelled to not just try the look, but to publicly display it because being seen this way was one of, if not my biggest fear. And since one of my goals is to live as fearlessly as possible, I knew I needed to face this fear in order to transcend it. Instead of remaining in darkness by denying that I felt unattractive as a bald man, I brought light to the situation by admitting it and, similar to my approach with falling from handstands, laughing at it.

Believe it or not, one of the biggest weapons in the darkness' arsenal is seriousness because seriousness traps us in fear, making every choice feel like it's life-or-death. When we take ourselves too seriously, we cling to the illusion that life is a competition we need to win, which only amplifies our fears by making us more averse to the idea of losing something. By laughing at myself and embracing my 'flaws,' I robbed fear of its power over me, which made life a lighter and more playful experience instead of a dark and serious one.

Humor allowed me to shine a light on what felt like a weakness, turning it into a source of strength. Making a practice out of facing fears has taught me that courage isn’t always about grand gestures—it’s about facing the small, everyday fears that hold us back, like letting go of the need to control how we’re perceived. Even if I could, I wouldn't give up the baldy look these days because, even though being bald made me less handsome on the outside, it made me more beautiful on the inside. And though I'm certain that being bald makes me less attractive to a lot of people, it has surprisingly made me more attractive to others whom I actually align with.

Eventually Our Eyes Adjust

It seems to be a debunked myth, but I've read that the reason some pirates wore eye patches over one eye was because their ships had poor or no lighting below deck. By wearing an eye patch over one eye, the covered eye would always be adjusted to darkness, which meant that all the pirate had to do upon walking below deck was remove the patch to see more clearly. Even if this is just a myth, the wisdom behind it is sound, and we all can confirm from experience that once we've had our eyes opened in the darkness for long enough, they adjust, and we come to understand that the darkness is not as devoid of light as we initially believed.

Often, what paralyzes us when navigating darkness is not being able to see what's in front of us or around us, but this is often only because we have not spent enough time with our eyes open in the darkness for them to adjust to the conditions. If we can make a practice of opening our eyes in the dark, instead of squeezing them shut and hoping for the best, we'll see that true darkness doesn't really exist. Even in spaces where no physical light can be found, there is always a light inside of us that is constantly shining and illuminating our experience. And by enlightening our inner world with the light of awareness, we'll discover that no matter how dark the outer world seems to get, we'll always have the courage and insight to find our way back home.

I vividly remember waking up in the middle of the night as a child, being so overwhelmed with fear due to the darkness and the shadows being cast in my room that I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the covers over my head until I eventually fell back asleep. Though the unconsciousness of sleep makes us feel safe because we're unaware, in reality, it is when we are at our most vulnerable. So, while I know it's more comfortable to keep our eyes closed in the darkness and go back to sleep, if we truly want to be free and live fully, we have to have the courage to keep our eyes open in the dark and resist the urge to go back to sleep. I'll leave you with this poem by Rumi, which echoes this sentiment beautifully.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth
across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

–Rumi

Welcome New Subscribers! + What's Going On With Me?

Last week's post, "The Narcisisst/Empath Dynamic" picked up some unexpected traction on Threads which led to a modest but very welcomed influx of new subscribers to the newsletter and I just want to give a shoutout to you all and to say thanks for joining us on this journey! I have a standing offer for all subscribers to hop on a brief call with me to introduce ourselves to one another so that this doesn't just feel like a one-way exchange. If you're interested, you can book a time to chat here. No pressure at all though and even if we never speak, please know that I'm happy to have you here.

I am currently clinging tightly to any remaining semblance of warmth because I'm not at all prepared for the Winter months. I grew up in the South which means Winter for most of my life was pretty mild but Winter in Pittsburgh is anything but that. I can say that this year I feel psychologically sound and not at all depressed like I've been many Winters in the past so that's a plus but still, I am already over the cold, lol.

I've been reflecting a lot on what I've accomplished this year and also what I planned to accomplish but failed to get done. One of the things I've failed to get done is video content and another one of those things is a more personal offering where I can connect with others on a more intimate basis. But I kinda feel like it was for the best that I didn't try to squeeze those two things in this year as well. One lesson that's really been drilled into me this year is that 'slow is smooth and smooth is fast'. I've learned that it's much more effective to develop a solid foundation in one skill slowly instead of trying and failing to do multiple things at once.

Focusing primarily on writing this year has made me a much more capable and confident writer and has also pretty much eliminated the intimidation I felt around writing long-form consistently. So even though, I haven't accomplished every little thing that I wanted to, I have accomplished a major thing and that's worth celebrating. Lord willing, I have many more years left on this Earth so there's no need in trying to rush everything that I want to do. Next year I'm going to continue to write but in a way that's a little less intensive so I can shift my focus to speaking and video in 2025.

What are you hoping to accomplish in 2025? If I can help you with it in any way, shape, or form, please don't hesitate to reach out. I hope the coming week pleasantly surprises you in some way.

With love,

Micheal Sinclair 💜