'Social Media Isn't Real'

Only On Camera

I find it quite ironic that the people who most often tout that "social media isn't real" are usually the people who are most addicted to it and most committed to perpetuating its existence. Personally, I've never really agreed with the sentiment. I mean, sure, social media isn't a physical, tangible space where my atoms and your atoms can interact with each other in real time. But social media is a digital space where my ideas and your ideas can interact with and influence each other in real time. Social media is a digital space that very often acts as meeting place for physical relationships to be birthed. Social media has, by and large, become the greatest political tool that human civilization has ever seen. So, while it may be true that what we see and do on social media is not as authentic as what we may see and do in 'real life', to say that social media 'isn't real' just makes absolutely no sense.

I think what people really mean when they say 'social media isn't real' is that the vast majority of what we consume on social media is inauthentic — that is, manipulated in a way that will be most liked, shared, and commented on. And that's honestly what turns me off about it the most. I hate being sold to. I hate feeling like someone is trying to persuade me into liking something that I wouldn't naturally like without their influence. Since social media has turned us all into brands, it's almost impossible to feel like you're actually connecting with another person on the other side of a screen. Instead you're getting their marketing representative and/or sales agent. Everybody has a product. Everybody has a course. Everybody has some sort of hidden motive or agenda that goes beyond just being themselves and trying to connect with like minded people. And that's what makes social media feel so fake — when something is real, we know that we can trust it but when something feels fake, it's impossible to feel at ease because you can't be sure what you're getting.

I'd probably be attacked for saying this but I've always been both fascinated and slightly disturbed by just how different some women look with a face full of makeup compared to no makeup at all. To the point where I'm generally not attracted to women who wear a lot of makeup on a regular basis. Now, I totally understand and respect that for many women makeup is an art and a form of expression and some of the ways I've seen makeup transform people's faces is mind-blowing to me and absolutely worthy of being recognized as art. But for me personally, when someone has to wear makeup all the time, or designer clothes, or whatever else to embellish the beautifully imperfect human we all are underneath it all, it makes me feel like I can't trust them. It makes me feel like they're not just hiding who they really are from me but also from themselves and if you can't accept who you are then I feel it's impossible for you to accept who I am.

It's really quite sad how many people can't post a photo of themselves without a filter or three to 'perfect' their appearance, as if our skin having texture is some kind of biological error. On one hand, I understand and empathize with conforming to the pressure of appearing perfect but I can also imagine how psychologically damaging it must be to see a version of yourself in a photo and then see a version of yourself in the mirror and not being able to reconcile the two images. And therein lies the biggest issue with our perfectionist culture and why I think being 'real' is so important to us as human beings — deep down, we all know that we are not perfect so the conspiracy of appearing perfect has to generate a sense of paranoia because we'll always feel like we're on the verge of being exposed and that when we are exposed, we'll no longer be liked, celebrated, or accepted. We've collectively created a culture where how it looks to others is way more important than how it feels to ourselves and that's precisely why even those who champion that 'social media isn't real' find themselves trying to manufacture an image that looks valuable even if the reality behind it isn't nearly as pretty.

Keep it real with me

Real means so many different things to so many different people. How many times have you been in a 'real' relationship or friendship, only to later find out that it wasn't nearly as deep as you thought it was? I remember back in the day, I wanted a pair of Jordans so bad but didn't have how ever much they were going for in the stores so instead, I linked up with "the bootleg man" who sold knockoff sneakers out of his trunk and got fakes that looked 'real' for a fraction of the price. And though a part of me always felt 'broke' deep down for having to resort to buying fakes, I still got hella compliments on them and I think that illustrates why being fake is so alluring to us — because ultimately, how others perceive us is more important than how we perceive ourselves. I've heard people say things like "I like to look nice for myself" and I just don't buy it because if you were the only person who existed on Earth, how you appear would have no meaning to you.

It can be argued that we weren't even meant to know what we look like. I saw an instagram reel a while ago of a lady looking at her reflection in puddles and other small bodies of water with the caption "this is how we're supposed to see ourselves" with the point being, our external appearance was never something we were meant to see in 4K on a daily basis to fixate on and try to hide all of our little imperfections. I think there's something really profound about the reality that we can't naturally see our own faces without a mirror or some other reflective tool. And even with mirrors, what we see in our reflection is not at all the same as how we're perceived by others.

I've spoken before about how I feel like I've been treated like I'm more attractive than I actually feel a lot of the time. But I've had to realize that when I look at my face, I look at it in a certain pattern that I always have. I fixate mostly on parts of my face that I don't like and every other part of face is seen in relation to the parts that I don't like. Whereas other people may not notice what I don't like about my face at all and it's totally possible that they perceive something vastly different when they look at me as compared to when I look at myself. Though I don't think there's much benefit in obsessing over how we look, I do think it's super important to feel comfortable in your own skin and a big way to achieve that comfort is to understand that how you feel about your appearance is just your opinion and in no way, shape, or form does that mean that everyone else you encounter will feel the same way. So, give yourself the benefit of the doubt — you probably don't realize just how beautiful you actually are.

Comparison is the thief of joy

I don't really feel like creation makes mistakes so it wouldn't be honest of me to say that I think our current obsession with looking at ourselves and others on screens all day is some deviation from the divine plan of life but I definitely think we all underestimate just how much mental strain, anxiety, and pressure it puts on us. It used to be that "keeping up with the Jones'" was only something that needed to be thought about on occasion. Maybe your neighbor gets a new fence, or a new car, or a beautiful garden and naturally, you might feel compelled to do something similar to maintain a sense of social status. But now, with social media, every person on Earth is your neighbor and every day that you log on to your favorite app, you're bombarded with beautiful people doing amazing things with seemingly endless amounts of time and money and resources which may obviously make our more modest lives seem lacking in comparison.

Isn't it interesting that Instagram is so full of content, yet it often leaves us feeling discontent? I remember how exhilarating it was when I first balanced a handstand for 5 seconds. It was literally one of the greatest achievements of my life at the time. And slowly but surely, my practice developed and I kept blowing my own expectations of myself out the water and I wanted to get deeper and deeper into the practice. I started following all of these amazing handstand practitioners whom, at first, inspired me to work harder and stay focused on my goals.

Being able to pike press into handstand was one of my biggest goals when I started practicing and eventually, I was able to do it! Though my excitement for developing the new skill was short lived because after I checked the recording of myself doing it, I felt like I hadn't accomplished anything because my attempt at the skill didn't look as good as all the other hand-balancers I've seen on Instagram. I couldn't enjoy what I had because I immediately compared it to something I didn't have. I couldn't be happy with what I did because my focus immediately shifted to what someone else has done. I used to dream of my handstand practice looking the way it does now but being on instagram all the time led me to not appreciating what I had accomplished because it influenced me to always have my eyes set on where I want it to go next.

Comparison is the thief of joy for sure, and that's why I'm careful about how much time I spend on Instagram. Because even for those of us who are pretty self-aware, it's hard not to become fixated on what other people are doing, getting, and being. I've had to set up some pretty firm boundaries with Instagram. I'm rarely on it for more than 10 minutes at a time. I don't check who's liked my posts or watched my stories or who has followed or unfollowed me. As much as I want to say that likes aren't important to me, that's not entirely true. It sucks when you put so much time, energy, and effort into something wanting it to land and resonate with others, only to find that it doesn't resonate with nearly as many people as you would have liked. Only to then scroll down and see a picture of someone's face with the most generic, cliché caption get 35 billion likes.

But that's the thing about perception, reality, and social media—on social media, perceived value is way more important than actual value because the perception is based on an image lacking any depth or nuance. Which is why those of us who value ourselves must treat social media as the tool and platform for expression it is and not as an extension of ourselves. Because even though social media is real, it only has the value that we place on it.

We unfortunately live in a world that equates value to numbers with bigger numbers implying greater value but, at the end of the day, our worth isn't tied to how many likes or followers we have. Our true value lies, not in how many people follow us but in how many people we impact, not in how many people know of us but how deeply connected we feel to those who are in our immediate communities. Our true value lies in how we express our unique voices and in the connections we foster that go beyond the surface. Social media may amplify certain aspects of reality, but it could never capture the full depth of who we are or the richness of our lives. So, while I value it for being a space where we can share and connect, it's crucial to regularly step back and remind ourselves that our love, our self-worth, our relationships, our values, and our realities are much deeper than what could ever be seen on a screen.

What's going on with me?

I'm so mentally tired. Not in like a mental health crisis kinda way but more in a 'I need an all expenses paid, month long vacation' that I could teleport to and from kinda way, lol. Like, nothing's really wrong but I feel like I need a mental reset that I honestly am not sure how to achieve. I'm going to start by taking the rest of today to relax. This was a hard newsletter to write, not because the topic is difficult to write about but because the process of writing just seems unusually difficult today. I guess it's mercury retrograde or something but writing this was so taxing that I can't even be bothered to look for images to accompany the words. That being said, I know it's not my best work but I'm just glad I was able to get it done and I hope you find some value in it too. I'm going to try and find a masseuse that is open late on Sundays and I hope the rest of your evening and the rest of your week is equally relaxing. Fingers crossed that next week will be better.

With love,

Micheal Sinclair 💜