Charmed: Why We Choose Convenient Illusions Over Our Magical Reality

How something feels to you should always be more important than how it looks to others. The fact that we have five senses is evidence enough that reality cannot be known through any one sense alone. And though, for most of us, sight is the sense that we rely on the most for navigating our life experience, it is also the sense that is the easiest to fool. This means many of us spend way too much of our lives believing in illusions—not just believing in illusions, but fighting for illusions, suffering for illusions, being devoted to illusions, and, even worse, bringing harm to ourselves and others for illusions.

Illusion doesn't mean that there's nothing there—it means that what appears to be there isn't what's actually there. This is why magic tricks are often referred to as illusions: because what makes the performer's act seem like magic is not that they can manipulate the laws of physics, but that they can manipulate the perception of their audience. In this sense, we're all magicians in how we perform in our relationships, at our jobs, and out in public to create an appearance that is often a misrepresentation of what our day-to-day reality really is. When a magic trick is done really well, it leaves the audience in a state where they want to believe in magic because it's so outside of ordinary experience that it evokes a sense of wonder. It's for this same reason that we get attached to our own illusions and to the illusions of others—because even if we're aware that what we're attached to isn't real, being attached to something unreal often brings more perceived security than embracing reality.

I'm certainly guilty of creating illusions to manipulate how I'm perceived. As a yoga teacher, the yoga practice that I share online is much prettier than what my yoga practice looks like when I'm only doing it for myself to support the illusion that I'm a competent teacher. My personal practice is way slower, much less precise, much less focused, and much less consistent. And usually, I'm doing it while only wearing underwear. But if you gauged my yoga practice solely based on how it appears online, you might think that I'm always poised, aligned, disciplined, and properly clothed, which is far from my reality as a practitioner. This is not an accident. I want you to think the best of me. Even if you ultimately don't think well of me, there's always been a big part of me that's wanted to showcase the most appealing version of myself at all times. Because people don't care about the truth if a lie is more entertaining. And in order to maintain the attention of a crowd, which is something that I deeply craved for a long time, you have to be willing to perform.

What You See Is Rarely What You Get

It's not our fault that we're so obsessed with how we're perceived. One of the things I remember most from childhood is being told to brush my hair before I went anywhere and being scolded any time I was caught with nappy hair. Growing up, it was pretty well established in my household that we were "lower class," but despite that, it was always ingrained in us that whenever we were out in public, we needed to look put together—"like somebody loved us." This is largely because society judges us primarily on how we're perceived. And though my mother regularly called us "poor" within the confines of our home, she certainly never wanted anyone else to see us that way because of how it would have reflected on her and our family at large.

There's something about reputation that is so ingrained in us as a species that, regardless of our socioeconomic status, we feel compelled to protect it—even if, and maybe especially if, this reputation is illusory. In every class of people, how we are perceived by our communities is of the utmost importance because it dictates the type of experience we have in our community. This means that we are all guilty, consciously or unconsciously, of choosing behaviors that look good even if they are far off from how we'd behave if no one was watching.

I recently shared a story on Threads about a time when I was in college and heard through the grapevine that a couple people had called me arrogant. I was so offended by this news. Like, it bothered me a lot. Because even though I knew deep down that I absolutely was arrogant, I worked hard to create a persona that was humble because I knew that humility was more attractive than arrogance. My arrogance was supposed to be charming, not repulsive, so hearing that there were at least a couple of people who saw through my illusion made me feel not only offended but also exposed and afraid that my magic wasn't as effective as I thought it was. But instead of admitting that they were right and working to truly humble myself, I doubled down on my persona and suggested that they only saw me as arrogant due to their own low self-esteem. You see, projection is another form of illusion—a trick we use to shift the focus away from our flaws by casting them onto others. In that moment, I chose to maintain my illusion, convincing myself that the problem wasn't with me, but with them. This allowed me to remain comfortable in my false sense of self, but it also kept me trapped in a cycle of self-deception, preventing any real growth. And it made facing the reality of myself much more painful when the Universe decided to humble me just a few years later.

Until we heal, picking partners often has a lot more to do with status or security than it does with love. This is another behavior that has been ingrained in us through generations, where who you know has a much greater impact on whether you survive than who you love. So it's no wonder that when we're in survival mode—physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise—we'll choose a comfortable illusion over an uncomfortable reality. I'm saying this from direct experience. It used to be that I wouldn't entertain a potential partner unless who they were would boost my own image in some way. This meant I would often pick partners who were as egocentric, shallow, selfish, and immature as I was, which is a recipe for toxic situations. But I would remain in these relationships, despite how bad they felt, because of how they looked and because I enjoyed the admiration of those who were spectating the relationship and assuming that it was "goals" because of how enchanted they were by how magical the relationship seemed.

Do You Believe In Magic?

What makes illusions so powerful is that they seem to transcend "ordinary" life, but the thing is, the belief that life is ordinary is an illusion in and of itself. Nothing about life is ordinary. We are all currently situated on a giant rock that is suspended in a vast and apparently unending nothingness, and despite the illusions people will try to have you believe, NOBODY knows why we're here or how we got here. There is a giant ball of fire millions of miles away that all life on Earth depends on for energy, and yet, I'd bet that most people go through most of their days without even acknowledging the Sun's existence because they're so concerned with their careers, their familial responsibilities, or even worse, some celebrity gossip or social media trend.

The human body is likely the greatest marvel of intelligent design that any of us will ever have the pleasure of experiencing, and yet most of us are so disconnected from our bodies that we have to rely on the expertise of others to tell us when they're not functioning properly—which is honestly insane. Consciousness, love, and beauty are all miracles that make absolutely no logical sense and are honestly more magical than being able to materialize a million dollars out of thin air, and yet, despite consciousness, love, and beauty being accessible to us all for free, most people would prefer to have a million dollars and all the illusory satisfaction they believe it will provide.

I got really into doing card tricks for a couple of years in my teens, and whenever I'd perform one successfully for someone, the first thing I'd always hear was "How'd you do that!?" followed immediately by "Do it again." And I would promptly refuse both requests because a magician never reveals his secrets—not because he doesn't want anyone else to know the craft, but because he knows that once the illusion is revealed, his audience will lose interest. Not only that, the performer's "magic" loses all credibility, and everything they do from that point on will be heavily scrutinized. So, not only are we attached to our illusions, we are even more attached to them never being exposed, and many of us will go to great lengths to ensure that our secrets stay secret so our magic is never thought to be merely an illusion. And therein lies the undeniable difference between magic and illusions. Illusions are always insecure because they are founded on some sort of fundamental untruth that would cause the illusion to crumble if it were ever exposed. Magic, on the other hand, is completely secure because it's not based on misdirection or manipulation, but is rather a function of the Universe that transcends logical understanding.

A key way to know that you've experienced magic in your own life is that you can't make sense of it—you can't see behind the curtain because there is no curtain. There's no hat, no wand, no spells, and no smoke or mirrors. Magic is pure and undeniable; it leaves you awestruck, not because you’re deceived, but because you are witnessing something that defies explanation. It doesn't rely on trickery or false perceptions; it simply is. This kind of magic is rare and elusive, but it is also the most real thing we can experience. You can scrutinize it as much as you want, but instead of making you more of a skeptic, it will make you more of a believer because you'll discover that true magic is agnostic to scrutiny; there's nothing to discover except the fact that logic is not the supreme force in this Universe, but rather a servant to a greater force—call it God, or Spirit, or Consciousness, or whatever—that could never be understood through thought or reason.

The choice between magic and illusions really boils down to a choice between intrinsic value and extrinsic value. An allegiance to illusions is an allegiance to external validation and to living our lives based on how others perceive us. An alliance with magic is an alliance to living our lives based not only on how we perceive ourselves, but how we feel about ourselves, and it is not dependent on convincing others to see or experience reality in the same way that we do. Illusions are about convincing others to believe in a reality that we've manufactured, but magic is simply about believing in ourselves and trusting that the Universe that had the power to birth us also has the power to sustain us, regardless of how things may appear on the outside. One of my favorite movies is called The Prestige, and it is a story about the majesty of magic and the danger of illusions. In it, one of the main protagonists says something about magic that I've found to also be true about love and all of the other unreasonable aspects of reality: "For those who believe, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, no explanation will suffice."

What's Going On With Me?

I feel connected. I feel in love in the sense that love is all around us all the time and I feel like an illusory barrier between myself and the love that I know is always present has been removed. And that's a big part of why I'm so committed to dispelling illusions — because separation is the strongest illusion and it is the illusion of separation that makes us feel the most unloved and disconnected. It is the illusion of separation that makes us feel the most afraid and insecure. It is the illusion of separation that inspires greed, jealousy, anger, and wrath. It is the illusion of separation that gives rise to every evil that exists in the world.

I'm starting to feel more grounded in Pittsburgh and more open to the possibility of being here for a while. It's been over 8 months now and while I can't say for certain that I came to Pittsburgh specifically to do this or to meet this person or to create this thing, I can say for certain that being here, and being alone, has been instrumental to my evolution and it has contributed to me becoming the most enjoyable version of myself that I've known yet.

Like, I felt like a 'man' at 26 after my mom died in the sense that I no longer had a parent to depend on to take care of me in the physical. But now I feel like even more of a 'man' now at 34 in the sense that, I'm not looking for anyone to take care of me. Don't get me wrong, it would nice to have someone to co-create with, if we are aligned, but if that never comes, I won't spend my entire life feeling like something is missing because I know that I am One with everything.

I trust that what is meant for me can't miss me and I would much rather be pleasantly surprised by the magic that the Universe has in store for me than to be attached to any illusion that my mind believes is supposed to be. I'm more committed to Truth than I am to logic and the closer we get to Truth, the more we discover just how illogical it is. I've discovered that the truth is much stranger than fiction and I hope that you'll never let the inability to explain something magical convince you that it isn't real.

With love,

Micheal Sinclair 💜