A Word Of Comfort for the Unappreciated

The More You Give, The Less They Care

It's kinda fucked up but people often learn to appreciate us less the more we give. And if we're not careful, it's easy to take this personally—especially if you're a conscious giver. As conscious givers, we tend to expect people to be conscious receivers. But what I've learned is that you can really only be a conscious receiver if you're also a conscious giver; those who are most appreciative of what others give are usually the ones who give the most themselves.

It's like being a painter and showing your artwork to your friends and family. They might all say, "Wow, that's really good," or "Great job," or "This is beautiful," which feels nice—no doubt. But then you show your artwork to other painters, and instead of just offering surface-level praise, they highlight specific elements of what makes your work special in a way that only another artist could truly appreciate.

They might notice the subtleties in your brushwork, the complexity of your color palette, the balance of light and shadow, or the emotion conveyed through your composition. They might point out the innovative use of a particular technique, your mastery of perspective, or how your style draws inspiration from—and diverges from—specific artistic traditions. They might even appreciate the storytelling in the piece, the layering of textures, or the intentionality behind every detail, from the choice of canvas to the framing of the subject. These kinds of observations go beyond surface-level, reactionary responses like “beautiful” and touch on the essence of your work, revealing a deeper level of understanding and appreciation that can only come from someone who has fought and overcome similar battles to yours.

Similarly, as I highlighted in an earlier post from this month, many people find it extremely difficult to truly feel appreciation for anything. So, when we give our all only for it to be met with a dry, empty, unenthused "thank you"—if that—it can feel like our efforts are going unnoticed, unappreciated, and ultimately unvalued.

While it's true that we shouldn't give with the expectation of receiving, a sense of balance is critical for maintaining anything in a healthy way. Save for the most angelic among us, giving without receiving will eventually lead to an unstable situation. Spending weeks, months, or even years giving without receiving deeply genuine appreciation creates the perfect environment for resentment to grow. Over time, this resentment transforms loving acts of service into loveless acts of obligation.

Equal give and take is crucial in every relationship. It's like a circuit—when energy flows evenly between two points, it creates a continuous loop of connection, vitality, and harmony. But if one party gives too much, it eventually leads to wear and tear on their end, causing parts of the connection to weaken over time and disrupting the flow of energy. Once the circuit is broken—whether because one person is giving too much and the other too little, or because one side is taking without reciprocating—the giver will likely feel drained, unseen, and unappreciated, while the taker may grow complacent or entitled, completely oblivious to how dependent they've become on the giver. This dynamic perfectly illustrates why self-awareness must precede appreciation and why many people, though seemingly aware, find it difficult to express genuine gratitude.

Praise The Sun

For many years of my life, the Sun was just a fact of life—something I paid no attention to except on days when it was too hot or when it had been raining for too long. Because the Sun is there more often than not, I took it for granted, even though my life and the lives of everyone I love depend on it.

The same can be said for those of us who give freely and often because it is our nature. We are taken for granted—not because we lack value or are unworthy of appreciation, but because we are so steadfast in our work that it has become expected of us.

What leads us to be taken for granted is the very thing that should make us so appreciated: our consistency. If there were ever a day when the Sun did not rise, it would immediately become the center of everyone's attention. Every news outlet on the planet would cover it exclusively. Every scientist would abandon their life's work to focus on where the Sun went and how to bring it back. But since there has never been a day where the Sun hasn’t risen, the vast majority of people live their entire lives without fully appreciating it even once.

It's a good thing that the Sun does not have emotions. It's a good thing that the Sun's energy is self-sustaining and that it doesn’t require us to contribute to it in order for it to do its job. It's a good thing that the Sun is impartial to both the "good" and the "bad," and that, unlike us, it doesn’t judge the worthiness of others before giving them what they need.

But while we are all celestial beings, just like the Sun, we are also human beings—and human beings are emotional creatures. So, while I hope that, just like the Sun, you'll continue to shine even without acknowledgment for your efforts, I completely understand why that might be hard to do. I want you to know that it’s okay to feel tired of giving and to long for the chance to be on the receiving end for once.

I love the Sun. It is one of my favorite parts of most days. But I could only truly come to appreciate it after spending so much time in darkness that the light became my favorite thing. It was only when I had gone without internal light for so long that I grew to cherish an external light that had always been there.

Similarly, until people have faced their own darkness, they will never be able to fully grasp, let alone appreciate, the light you bring to them and their lives. And I've learned that a huge part of self-care is not giving endlessly to those who do not help to refill your cup. A vital aspect of self-love is having the self-respect to know your worth and to refuse to accept less than what you deserve. Outside of children, we are not truly obligated to give anyone anything. Yet, the spirit of unworthiness can keep us attached to situations where we’re pouring from a broken vessel into another broken vessel, simply because we don’t believe ourselves to be worthy of anything more.

And what I want to say to you today, the unappreciated, is this: we will never receive the appreciation we know we’re deserving of deep down until we fully appreciate ourselves. Because with that self-appreciation comes the power to release people, places, and things that lack the capacity to recognize our value—regardless of how much we love them or how much we think they need us.

Boundaries are still relatively new to me, but learning about them and implementing them in my relationships has been incredibly empowering. One of the boundaries I've established is not over-giving my energy to people, especially those who feel entitled to it. Despite the majority's inability to appreciate deeply, I still hope that you will give—but that you will place limits on your giving and always reserve enough for yourself to maintain your own well-being.

There’s nothing wrong with giving someone the shirt off your back—as long as you have another shirt. But if you give someone the shirt off your back and don’t have one for yourself, you haven’t reduced the suffering in the world; you’ve simply transferred that suffering from someone else to yourself. While this might seem noble, and it might make you feel like a "good person," it doesn’t actually serve the greater good in the long run. True generosity doesn’t come from a place of self-sacrifice that leaves you depleted—it comes from a place of abundance. When you give from a place of wholeness, you can sustain that generosity over time without burning out, resenting the people you’re giving to, or inadvertently creating more suffering.

Don't Expect Others To Recognize Your Worth

If I put a diamond in your hand, chances are you wouldn’t be able to tell me what its worth. You might recognize that it’s valuable, but just how valuable—you wouldn’t know unless you’d spent a lot of time studying diamonds. But the fact that you couldn’t determine its worth doesn’t mean it’s worthless; it simply means you lack the capacity to recognize its value at this moment.

Value is always a personal experience. It’s funny that I mentioned diamonds in the example above, because I personally don’t understand the hype surrounding them. To me, they’re quite boring, and buying one would feel like a waste of money. But to someone else, a diamond might be the most valuable thing on Earth.

I say that to say this: ultimately, the onus for being appreciated lies with the giver, not the receiver. If we find ourselves burnt out from giving to people who cannot recognize our value, instead of trying to prove to them why we’re worthy of appreciation—or attempting to educate them on how to appreciate us—we are often better off saving what we have to offer for someone who can naturally see our worth. Such people have spent enough time studying themselves to recognize a treasure when they see one.

Of course, this may not apply to situations where you’re a caregiver to someone who literally cannot survive without you. But in nearly every other case, staying in a situation where we are unappreciated is a choice. Loving ourselves means choosing not to have our efforts wasted on people who drain us. Instead, it’s about preserving our energy for those who truly see and value us for who we are.

If you can't tell, I have often felt just as unappreciated as the ways I've described in this newsletter, so trust me when I say that I know how hard it is sometimes when you're naturally inclined to give to others but it feels like nobody wants to give to you. So I just wanted to take some time today to give you, the unappreciated, the genuine appreciation that you may have wished to receive from someone else.

To the unappreciated, I'm sorry that you feel unseen, unappreciated, and unsupported but I guarantee you, just like the Sun, you are more valuable to those around you than you'll likely ever get credit for.

And just like the Sun, I hope that you'll keep shining anyway because we need it now more than ever before.

And just like the Sun, ensure that the source of your energy always originates from within.

And just like the Sun, don't be afraid to allow people to exist in darkness every now and then.

And just like the Sun, shine because it is your nature to do so, not because other people have grown to expect it from you.

Please don't forget that there are those of us out here who know your worth, who are grateful for your warmth, and who would be lost without the light you've brought to our paths. Even if our voices don't always reach you, our lives are brighter because of you. Your presence, your contributions, your essence, and your very being are what keep this often cold world from freezing over and life from ceasing to exist.

And during the times when you feel dim, try to remember that even the Sun takes shorter days sometimes, and when it sets, it’s never truly gone.

The light within me recognizes the light within you, and I am so very grateful for your light.

With love and light,

Micheal Sinclair 💜🌞