Why We Wear Masks
The Japanese say we have three faces; the one we show to the world, the one we show to our family and friends, and the one we never show anyone outside of ourselves — the last one being the truest reflection of who we are.
For most of my life, my inner world was uncharted territory but a tragedy in 2014 inspired me to explore who I am at my core. I have spent nearly a decade healing, studying myself & doing the work necessary to grow into the person I desire to be.
This newsletter is intended to serve as a map for fellow evolution enthusiasts who are embarking on their own journey back home to Self. Our weekly reflections will leave you inspired, curious, & armed with transformative insights to support your growth & healing!
I wouldn't describe myself as a "good person". I've broken rules. I've broken laws. I've broken hearts. I've broken promises. I've wanted to break bones.
I definitely had no awareness of it at the time but the underlying reason why I loved to be looked at was because I'd never truly felt seen and so, I couldn't know the difference between the two.
I have a confession... my name isn't really Micheal. Well, it is, but it isn't. I'll explain!
One of my favorite quotes is, "Everybody wants to go to Heaven but nobody wants to die," as I feel like it perfectly encapsulates our preference to remain attached to a known suffering, despite the chance of an unknown joy.
Healing is facilitated by the greater intelligence. You can call this intelligence 'nature,' 'God,' 'the Universe,' 'Spirit,' or 'the Self,' but regardless of what you refer to it as, it is this universal force that mends our broken bones, our broken hearts, and our broken spirits.
The fragile man feigns invulnerability by projecting a hard exterior. But much like glass or porcelain, something being hard does not mean that it's durable. All it would take is a fall from a decent height for what appears to be hard to shatter into a million pieces.
Years spent committed to convincing others of our invulnerability to pain can lead us to believe this falsehood ourselves, which, in turn, propels us toward self-destructive behaviors. Our disconnection from the reality of pain subconsciously drives us to seek ways to avoid confronting it.
One of the main barriers to self-compassion is the false belief that because others have had it "worse than you," you have no right to feel sympathy for yourself.
I find it really interesting how the words 'parent' & 'partner' are comprised of the exact same letters. Especially considering the fact that we often seek in our romantic partners what we failed to receive from our parents.
Before I found peace, another 'p' word was the highest pleasure in my life. But it wasn't just the physical ecstasy that sex provided me; actually, what I derived the most pleasure from was the power it made me feel over others.
According to the CDC, homicide(1) & suicide(4) rank as two of the top five causes of death for Black males aged 1-44 in the US. In my opinion, the main culprit behind this utterly insane & depressing statistic is that Black men are not expected, encouraged, or allowed to be happy.
This might be hard to believe given the depth of my current reflections but in my teens & early 20s I was super shallow. I didn't even want to associate with people deemed unattractive. I also wasn't shy at all about voicing my opinions on looks, often in a hurtful way.
I've struggled with this internal conflict most of my life where on the inside I felt much more than just 'Black'. My inner world has always had a depth that I felt like my outer appearance wasn't allowed to express.
But what triggered me more is that, though everyone seemed to be in agreement that 'men are trash', no one seemed to care why - as if, being 'trash' is just an innate characteristic of being a man that was not worth investigating any further.
If you've been acquainted with me for some time, you might have noticed a recurring pattern: I begin projects with a burst of enthusiasm, I'm somewhat consistent for six months to a year, and then, suddenly, I disappear.